Pimpernel Smith (1941)

A bit of witty dialogue from Leslie Howard's Pimpernel Smith.

General von Graum: But we have one problem. "To be or not to Be?" as our great German poet said.
Professor Horatio Smith: German? But that's Shakespeare.
General Von Graum: But you don't know?
Professor Horatio Smith: Why, I know it's Shakespeare. I thought Shakespeare was English.
General von Graum: No, no, no. Shakespeare is a German. Professor Schuessbacher has proved it once and for all. Professor Horatio Smith: Yes, how very upsetting. Still, you must admit that the English translations are most remarkable.
General von Graum: Good night.
Professor Horatio Smith: Good night. Good night. "Parting is such sweet sorrow."
General von Graum: What is that?
Professor Horatio Smith: That's one of the most famous lines in German literature.

Professor Horatio Smith: I'm so glad to find you're not busy, because I've been doing a little research for you...
General von Graum: That's just what I wanted to do.
Professor Horatio Smith: ...On the identity of Shakespeare.
General von Graum: I'd like to know how you spent this afternoon.
Professor Horatio Smith: What's the matter with you? You seem upset. I spent the afternoon at the library at the embassy. Now this, this proves conclusively that Shakespeare wasn't really Shakespeare at all.
General von Graum: No?
Professor Horatio Smith: No. He was the Earl of Oxford. Now you can't pretend that the Earl of Oxford was a German, can you?
Professor Horatio Smith: [Speaking to the German Officer] Can you?
German Officer: No!
Professor Horatio Smith: Well there you are.
German Officer: I didn't come here to discuss Shakespeare. If you want me, you know where I am.
Professor Horatio Smith: The Earl of Oxford was a very bright Elizabethan light.

"It's wonderful what one can teach when one tries."

Having been unjustly "sent down" for "indecent behavior" and having been temporarily - and conveniently - cast off by his Uncle, Paul Pennyfeather is looking for a job.  This is a rather humorous excerpt from his conversation with Mr. Levy of the employment agency, taken from Decline and Fall by Evelyn Waugh.  (I am in the middle of this book right now, and have little doubt that I shall have more to say about it when I have finished it ;-))



     "Private and Confidential Notice of Vacancy.

     "Augustus Fagan, Esquire, Ph. D., Llanabba Castle, N. Wales, requires immediately junior assistant master to teach Classics and English to University Standard with Subsidiary Mathematics, German, and French.  Experience essential; first-class games essential.

     "Status of School: School.

     "Salary offered: £120 resident post.

     "Reply promptly but carefully to Dr. Fagan ('Esq., Ph. D., on envelope), enclosing copies of testimonials and photographs, if considered advisable, mentioning that you have heard of the vacancy through us."

     "Might have been made for you," said Mr. Levy.

     "But I don't know a word of German, I've had no experience, I've got no testimonials, and I can't play cricket."

     "It doesn't do to be too modest," said Mr. Levy.  "It's wonderful what one can teach when one tries.  Why, only last term we sent a man who had never been in a laboratory in his life as a senior Science Master to one of our leading public schools.  He came wanting to do private coaching in music.  He's doing very well, I believe.  Besides, Dr. Fagan can't expect all that for the salary he's offering.  Between ourselves, Llanabba hasn't a good name in the profession.  We class schools, you see, into four grades: Leading School, First-rate School, Good School, and School.  Frankly," said Mr. Levy, "School is pretty bad.  I think you'll find it a very suitable post.  So far as I know, there are only two other candidates, and one of them is totally deaf, poor fellow."

Thoughts from Thursday

I would like to share with you one of my favorite Chesterton quotations.  An exerpt from The Man Who Was Thursday.  Spoiler Alert!



"I see everything," he cried, "everything that there is. Why does each thing on the earth war against each other thing? Why does each small thing in the world have to fight against the world itself? Why does a fly have to fight the whole universe? Why does a dandelion have to fight the whole universe? For the same reason that I had to be alone in the dreadful Council of the Days. So that each thing that obeys law may have the glory and isolation of the anarchist. So that each man fighting for order may be as brave and good a man as the dynamiter. So that the real lie of Satan may be flung back in the face of this blasphemer, so that by tears and torture we may earn the right to say to this man, 'You lie!' No agonies can be too great to buy the right to say to this accuser, "We also have suffered."

"It is not true that we have never been broken. We have been broken upon the wheel. It is not true that we have never descended from these thrones. We have descended into hell. We were complaining of unforgettable miseries even at the very moment when this man entered insolently to accuse us of happiness. I repel the slander; we have not been happy. I can answer for every one of the great guards of Law whom he has accused. At least —"

He had turned his eyes so as to see suddenly the great face of Sunday, which wore a strange smile.

"Have you," he cried in a dreadful voice, "have you ever suffered?"

As he gazed, the great face grew to an awful size, grew larger than the colossal mask of memnon, which had made him scream as a child. It grew larger and larger, filling the whole sky; then everything went black. Only in the blackness before it entirely destroyed his brain he seemed to hear a distant voice saying a commonplace text that he had heard somewhere, "Can ye drink of the cup that I drink of?"